Trying to predict the NFL season was a lot easier when Tom Brady was on the New England Patriots, but that didn’t stop ESPN from trying. The Worldwide Leader went all in on Aaron Rodgers coverage — from letting lead network host Mike Greenberg lust after gangrene, to giving Pat McAfee $85 million for his inside access to the QB who was immunized — only to have it go belly up four plays in. Honestly, I couldn’t be happier.
This was the face of ESPN minutes before his entire universe came crashing down on the MetLife turf.
There’s a lot going on in that picture, but the thing I take most issue with is the alleged shrimp nachos. Like was there cheese on them? Is he throwing a bunch of sharp cheddar on a tray of diced shrimp cocktail and Tostitos? Gross.
Today’s angle on Get Up, because every “Are the Jets contenders?” segment spontaneously combusted, was “Mike Greenberg is still processing Rodgers’ injury.” I know I personally can not get enough of ESPN’s misery, especially shrimp nachos’ discount double-over, but eventually, the lamentations will sound like Mikey commiserating over his ex on Swingers — only if Ron Livingston begged Jon Favreau to talk about it.
Watch, it’ll be Week 12, the Jets will be heading nowhere, and Greenberg — pitched another “What if?” segment for the 500th time — is going to Get Up out of his seat, and jump through the glass of the Pier 17 studio before hurling himself into the East River.
The nadir of Monday night was a live look in at Greeny’s #Sleepover, as the in-shock host tried to focus on the game, and not work the next day.
That’s a 56-year-old man wearing a mock title belt, and desperately looking for someone to tell him it’s going to be OK.
What $85 million for access looks like
Last week, Rodgers made a “big announcement” on The Pat McAfee Show, and it was simply a ploy to tell viewers that he’ll be appearing on the show every Tuesday throughout the season. No word on whether the BFF of the program will make an appearance today, as a shirtless, likely inebriated, and definitely distraught McAfee hopped on X after the game to announce that he has no clue if Aaron Rodgers Tuesday is happening.
Full disclosure: I only saw five seconds of that clip and had the sound off, but lingered long enough to see the hamburger meat on McAfee’s chest, and if that has to be burned into my retinas, so shall it be for all my readers. God, I can’t imagine subscribing to that guy’s schtick or paying $85 million for it.
Let’s hear what Aaron’s former teammate AJ Hawk has to say… Nope, nothing? Just going to sit there, mute, and chomp on a stogie hoping the lung cancer takes you before the CTE? Got it.
How many hours of meetings about Jets coverage were nullified last night? There might’ve been a bigger groan out of Bristol than New York, because at least Jets fans are conditioned for this kind of thing.
Did the Monday Night Football broadcast even get to the Jets’ starting lineups before Rodgers went down? I know its “New faces in New York” graphic still had No. 8’s smiling mugshot on it. Regardless, there’s something to be said about going all in to cover a franchise as cursed, and hapless as the New York Jets.
It’s hard to whittle ESPN’s missteps down to a single word or phrase. Hubris? Greed? Idol worshiping? Schadenfreude? So many options for such a catastrophe, and all of them are as delightful and apt as the next.