Nebraska Cornhuskers taking L’s earlier than heading to Eire

School soccer season is sort of upon us, and this 12 months the model is formally increasing. After COVID issues nixed final 12 months’s try to carry a recreation at a global locale, the pandemic has been round for therefore lengthy that no person cares anymore. So prepare, individuals who had been upset about their ruined plans to go to Eire for the Nebraska-Illinois recreation, right here come the Cornhuskers and Northwestern Wildcats.

Everybody, seize your leprechaun-tinged Husker gear, bottles of Jameson, pints of Guinness, and such, and prepare to get shit-faced with the locals. Dubliners are recognized for his or her folksy disposition and appreciable persistence, so let’s test in to see how excited they ar— whoa-my-god.

“If Aer Lingus and the litany of different company sponsors concerned on this shindig wished to offer Irish sports activities followers a style of the genuine school soccer expertise, in all its exploitative, chew-these-young-men-up-and-spit-most-of-them-out glory, they’ve chosen correctly.”

That’s only a snippet of Irish Times writer Dave Hannigan eviscerating the Nebraska program earlier than Herbie may even placed on his inexperienced overalls. It appears as if the sins of Husker’s previous have been diligently Googled and sorted.

Should you’re a fan of the Large Pink, and never into masochism, look away.

Hannigan discovered only some skeletons within the closet, and sadly he might’ve discovered extra.

He introduced up:

• Maurice Washington bailing out the group throughout its home-opener towards South Alabama regardless of involvement in revenge porn that bought him suspended for a half, and ultimately dismissed from the group
• Lawrence Phillips breaking into Scott Frost’s residence, and dragging his ex-girlfriend down flights of stairs earlier than smashing her head right into a mailbox
• The college’s stint on probation on account of Frost’s unlawful practices, which bought him a five-day ban, which Hannigan famous
• New offensive coordinator Mark Whipple’s suspension whereas at UMass for evaluating a foul towards certainly one of his gamers to “rape”
• Offensive analyst Ron Brown’s rampant homophobia that goes unchecked as a result of scripture says “homosexuality is a sin”
• The waste of human flesh (my phrases, not his) “followers” who informed three of their very own gamers that they deserved to be lynched for kneeling in protest previous to the nationwide anthem earlier than a recreation in 2016

Effectively, while you put it like that…

And that’s not together with the photographs on the college’s latest struggles and on the farce of American school athletics on the whole. “An establishment with a proud historical past of profitable (though not these days)” was a very hurtful barb, however ending that sentence with “and an equally hard-won status for occasionally doing the flawed factor when it issues most” was downright malicious.

A few companies getting collectively to rattle a number of extra Euros and/or {dollars} out of the wallets of more-than-willing customers is nothing new. It’s like some other promotion, and if what you’re pushing has a trove of previous heinous crimes in addition to an array of present face crops, the revenue has to outweigh the backlash.

These are well-publicized, often-overlooked incidents that almost all supporters of the college attempt to overlook — or at most furrow their brows and shake their heads at. We all know why the Huskers are going to Eire, and Dave was on that one, too.

“There are sound monetary causes for bringing this match to Dublin. The Nebraska devoted will journey in nice numbers and spend massively. The reside tv broadcast will embrace luxurious photographs of scenic Eire and inevitably twee shamroguery besides.”

I don’t know what the fuck “twee shamroguery” is, however my guess is it’s the cultural equal of donning a sombrero on Cinco de Mayo. Additionally, I’m utilizing that, and his kicker “Céad míle fáilte” — which suggests “100,000 welcomes.” Simply gotta determine learn how to pronounce it.

It’s not every single day that your group will get roasted in Gaelic, and despite the fact that I’m a Husker fan, I really feel a sure kinship with Hannigan. Screaming into the void concerning the injustices of capitalistic assholes buying and selling their integrity for a large revenue is three-fourths of what I do.

So, my apologies prematurely, Dave. The soccer program apart, Nebraskans are typically good individuals. I don’t have any pals who’re wealthy (or silly) sufficient to go to the sport, however I’ll remind those studying right here to not order any Irish automotive bombs.