I assumed I used to be irritated when all of the Yankees followers had been complaining about Aaron Choose strolling on a regular basis (simply look forward to the ALDS, Vinnie Bag O’ Screwdrivers). Then we acquired again to all of the crusty baseball males making an attempt to faux that the AL document, or the Yankees document, is something the plenty ought to care about. Which they don’t. Aaron Choose isn’t going to set a document for homers in a season. Simply get used to it, nobody actually minds. 61 is a cool quantity by itself and doesn’t want the dressing of ballooned benchmarks made up by those that are nonetheless figuring out their self-inflicted guilt about not calling out the Steroid Period when it occurred. Or one thing.
BUT THAT’S NOT WHY YOU CALLED.
I’ve a rule, one I believe needs to be instituted in each ballpark. Should you’re over the age of 13, you’ll be able to’t convey a glove to the sport. I used to amend that to permit if a fan was sitting within the first 5 rows, as a result of hey, I don’t need you speaking a liner within the tooth anymore than the subsequent man does (I need it a bit of extra). However now that the screens are up, that’s null and void. Gloves at a park are for kids. Gloves are for Zack Hample. I don’t know the way there could possibly be extra of a blinking, neon signal screaming “I’M A GALACTIC LOSER WHO GETS HIS TACOS PLAIN” than doing one thing that Zack Hample does.
However if you happen to’re going to convey your glove…CATCH THE FUCKING BALL. I don’t care if another person acquired in your method. That’s a five-figure payday at the very least flying at you, jabroni. Field out, get place, fight, WIN! This dude let it clank off his glove like he was taking part in left subject for the White Sox. You’re already sporting the enormous signal that marks you out as a resident of Dipshitville, and now you’re going to be the village fool of mentioned city? Dude mainly wore a raincoat within the bathe and drowned in his personal tub anyway.
Now, there was some buzz going round Twitter final evening that this man’s title was “Frankie Lasagna,” which clearly is a pseudonym this giblet got here up with to cowl his id so he isn’t pelted with numerous staplers by his co-workers tomorrow, if not straight up fired for bringing a glove to a sport as an grownup (or an inexpensive facsimile). That type of picture no firm may overcome in coping with purchasers/clients. “Yeah we employed the man who couldn’t catch Choose’s residence run ball however critically, we’re the only option to scrub your gutters I swear!” I sincerely hope this man’s title is definitely Frankie Lasagna, as a result of a man named Frankie Lasanga was born, if not grown in a lab, particularly to be the donut who lets a generational alternative like that doink off him like a Looney Tune. This was his future, his objective.
A 12 months’s wage, at worst, and it simply bricks off his glove. He’ll be seeing that ceaselessly. As he ought to. Deserves no much less. Dwell along with your ache, Lasagna. It’s what you get for bringing your glove.